Pseudo-Danger Man

Bond Still Not a Pussy?

2008-06-30T20:58:49Z

Like a lot of people, I was happy with the new, thuggish Bond in 2006's Casino Royale. I think Christopher Orr may be right and the next movie, Quantum of Solace, looks promising:

Attackerman Loses His Cool

2008-06-28T21:28:14Z

It's a great piece of writing though, and his targets (the Commentary crowd) definitely deserve it. Final paragraph:

Some people, Rancid once sang, are poison. They cry antisemitism cynically and then have the nerve to bitch about other peoples' identity politics. To tweak a Fugazi lyric, You'd make a great Capo. You're an embarrassment, a shonda, a joke, and also your writing blows. You know what's bad for the Jews? You, motherfucker. Good Shabbos!

Elvis and Nixon

2008-06-27T12:24:24Z

For your reading pleasure this Friday morning: A first-hand account of the Nixon-Elvis meeting, before the aliens arrived. (Through the Monkey Cage.)

Sunshine

2008-06-24T16:51:16Z

Once I had a dream in which the Sun went out, and all I remembered about it was that a bunch of people gathered together in a cabin, waiting to freeze to death. Soon after the dream, Danny Boyle's movie Sunshine came out, and its central premise was the same as my dream's. I found it all a bit unsettling, and when I saw the Sunshine DVD in the rental store yesterday I decided to pick it up.

I thought the movie was generally well-done, at least up until the final half-hour when the horror-movie clichés took over. I was sorry that they did, since up until then everything seemed to make sense to me (other than the initial premise of course); those of you with better grasp of the science can set me straight. I liked that the environment -- the terrifying extremes of heat and cold in outer space -- was the main threat to life and limb in the picture, and disappointed when more conventional dangers were introduced. (It reinforced my sense that, as cool as outer space might be, humans just don't belong out there and this planet is the only place we'll ever make our home, but that's a subject for another post.) Despite my caveats I recommend the movie.

Star Wars Crawl

2008-06-23T12:07:14Z

Via Unqualified Offerings, here's a Star Wars crawl of my last entry.

More 4E Stuff

2008-06-17T19:20:45Z

Do I write about anything else these days?

Those of us looking for a 4E druid have a little more to work with. Not only does Andy Collins have some semi-quasi-official conversion notes (my favorite part of which is using the two-weapon Ranger for the old Monk class), but ENWorld also has a fan-generated 4E Druid class, which unlike the WotC conversion actually has a Wild Shape option (as well as a silly layout and artwork which you should try to ignore).

Right now though I'm less interested in 3E-to-4E conversions -- since my players are largely settled on those issues -- than on finding fan-produced play aides to keep down on bookkeeping. What I would most like to see are the various powers on customizable index cards. These would be remarkably easy to put together in PDF format; all one would have to do would be to copy the powers from the books, but replace variables with blanks. (For example, for Magic Missile, you would replace "2d4 + Intelligence modifier force damage" with "2d4 + ______ force damage, with Int modifier written below the blank in tiny type.) If I had these, I could spend a lot less time consulting the rule books, saving everyone a great deal of time.

Maybe We'll Get to See the Druid After All

2008-06-13T12:10:43Z

Posted recently on the WotC Forum:

I hope, oh god do I hope this frickin thing goes up today. The license is done but late yesterday we added a bunch of new stuff to the SRD to cover some books coming out next year (like PH2 classes, power sources, and weapons).

I don't know if this is the version that developers see first (after paying for it), but we'll see.

Nixonland

2008-06-10T16:21:59Z

I finally finished Rick Perlstein's Nixonland. It was depressing reading, not only because Nixon was an asshole (not exactly news), but because it showed why Americans were so receptive to his message after the chaos of the 1960s, and how Nixon exploited the anxieties of his time to foster some of the destructive tropes of the modern political age. When Republicans condemn "liberal elitists" or the "liberal media" they're following the same scripts Nixon perfected four decades ago.

Nixon exploited the fears and resentments of the American people, and he deserves a lot of the blame for the mess we're in today; but the radical left of the era played a big part in his rise. Rioters, Black Power, SDS, the Yippies: By the end of Perlstein's book you can't blame American voters for being scared and turning to the Right in response. And while Perlstein doesn't devote much time to the rising crime rates, I'm sure liberalism's failure to deal adequately with the problem also contributed to the end of the New Deal coalition. (Bill Clinton, to his credit, effectively neutralized crime as a political issue in the 1990s.)

Perlstein's book ends with the Nixon-McGovern match, and he does a good job correcting some of the stereotypes that have stuck to the Democratic candidate. (He was liberal, but not quite the radical-leftist stereotype that generations of pundits have made him out to be.) I must say, though, that the parallels between the McGovern and Obama campaigns are a bit unsettling. I hope that the ugly America of Nixonland is a thing of the past and a progressive black candidate like Obama can triumph today.

Fourth Edition D&D: The Druid

2008-05-22T17:11:40Z

Here's my take on the Druid for 4e. Obviously incomplete (I need to add a few more 1st level powers, as well as higher-level ones), but it can serve as a starting point. Comments are welcome as always, of course.

Role: Hybrid
Power Source: Natural
Key Abilities: Wisdom
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Armor Training: Cloth, leather, hide
Weapon Proficiencies: Light blade, mace, sling, spear, staff
Bonus to Defense: +1 Fortitude, +1 Will
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hit Points at 1st Level: 12 + Constitution score
Hit Points per Level Gained: 5
Healing Surges: 7 + Constitution modifier
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trained Skills: Nature or Religion (your choice).
From the class skills list below, choose four more trained skills at 1^st level.
Arcana (Int), Dungeoneering (Wis), Endurance (Con), Heal (Wis), Nature (Wis), Perception (Wis),Religion (Int)
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Build Options: Elementalist, Feral Warrior, Lifewarden
Class Features: Aspect of Nature, Channel Nature, Ritual Casting, Wild Shape

Aspect of Nature
Chose one of the following options.

Elemental Aspect: You gain a bonus to Fire, Cold, Electricity, Radiant and Thunder damage equal to your Charisma modifier.
Feral Aspect: You gain a bonus to AC equal to one-half your Intelligence modifier when in Wild Shape form.
LifewardenAspect: When an ally who can see you takes the Second Wind action, that ally also regains hit points equal to one-half your level + your Constitution modifier.

Basic Wild Shape	Druid Feature 1

Your body transforms into an animal that is familiar to you.
At Will (Special) ✦ Natural
Special: You can use wild shape up to your Wis modifier times per day, but only once per round.
Standard Action Personal
Effect: You receive one of the following benefits until the end of the encounter:

Predator Form: Your melee attacks do 1d8 damage plus half your level plus your Dexterity modifier. Your opportunity attacks deal an additional 1d6 damage, and you gain +2 to AC against opportunity attacks. Your speed increases by 2.
Ferocious Form: Your melee attacks do 1d10 damage plus half your level plus your Strength modifier. Your AC increases by 4. Your speed increases by 1.

Special: You cannot cast spells while in Wild Shape form.

Channel Nature: Barkskin	Druid Feature 1

Your skin becomes as tough as bark.
Encounter ✦ Natural
Special: You may use Calm Animals or Barkskin once per encounter, but may not use two or more of these in the same encounter.
Standard Action Personal
Effect: You gain a +2 natural armor bonus to AC until the end of the encounter.

Channel Nature: Calm Animals	Druid Feature 1

You soothe and quiet animals, making them docile and harmless.
Encounter ✦ Natural
Special: You may use Calm Animals or Barkskin once per encounter, but may not use two or more of these in the same encounter.
Standard Action Close burst 5
Target: Each animal in burst
Attack: Wisdom vs. Will
Hit: Target animals are stunned (save ends).

Produce Flame	Druid Attack 1

A flame as bright as open torches appears in your open hand.
At Will ✦ Natural, Fire
Standard Action Ranged 20
Target: One creature
Attack: Wisdom vs. Reflexes
Hit: 1d6 + Wis fire damage
Special: This power counts as a ranged basic attack. When a power allows you to make a ranged basic attack, you can use this power.

Faerie Fire	Druid Attack 1

Your enemies are surrounded by a pale glow.
Encounter ✦ Natural, Radiant
Standard Action Area burst 5 within 80 squares
Target: Each creature in burst
Attack: Wisdom vs. Reflexes
Hit: Until the end of the encounter, your enemies take a penalty to AC and Reflexes equal to 1 + your Wisdom modifier. These creatures cannot turn invisible and gain no concealment benefits from darkness.
Miss: Until the end of the encounter, effected creatures cannot turn invisible and gain no concealment benefits from darkness.

Entangle	Druid Attack 1

You call upon grasses, weeds, bushes and even trees to wrap, twist and entwine your foes, holding them fast.
Daily ✦ Nature, Implement
Standard Action Area burst 8 within 80 squares
Target: Each creature in burst
Attack: Wis vs. Reflex
Hit: The target is slowed (save ends). If the target fails its first saving throw against this power, the target becomes immobilized (save ends).
Miss: The target is slowed (save ends).

Quote of the Day

2008-05-20T19:26:43Z

From Matt Taibbi's take on the "9/11 Truth" movement:

You don't elect politicians to commit crimes; you elect politicians to make your crimes legal. That is the whole purpose of the racket of government. Another other use of it would be a terrible investment, and the financial class in this country didn't get to where it is by betting on the ability of a president whose lips move when he reads to blow up two Manhattan skyscrapers in broad daylight without getting caught.

Seven Decades of War as Food Fight

2008-05-17T14:41:48Z

Via The Monkey Cage, I found this hilarious (if utterly tasteless, like most of my favorite humor):

If it isn't obvious, unleavened bread and bagels = Israelis, fried fish = British, baguettes = French, hamburgers and french fries = Americans, etc.

Update: ARRGGGG! DECADES, NOT CENTURIES! DAMMIT!

Crappy Infrastructure

2008-05-06T22:27:55Z

My Internet problem seemed to clear up on Sunday and was fine on Monday (two days in which I largely away from home, alas). Today it is, once again, slow as molasses. No WoW or videos again, goddam it. bigscary said this was a problem throughout Queens, but I don't know how to check progress in fixing it. (As always, the useless Verizon website just says "system status unavailable, try again later." Grrr.)

I wonder how many of my problems are due to me living in west Queens. It seems our infrastructure is always breaking down -- we lose power for days, subway lines are closed down every weekend, the buses used to always be on strike -- but no one seems to do much about it. These are immigrant communities where no one complains much due to low expectations and weak ties to the neighborhood.

Symbolism?

2008-05-04T12:44:15Z

Via Wonkette:

Hillary Clinton's pick to win horse racing's Kentucky Derby, Eight Belles — the only female horse in the race — finished second, broke both front ankles, and subsequently was put to death on the track. The first place horse was "Big Brown." Go nuts.

I certainly hope so. (If Eight Belles is the campaign. Much as I've come to hate Hillary, I don't actually want to see her killed on a racetrack.)

Poor horse, though.

Meanwhile, my Internet connection sucks again. I wonder what's wrong this time? (Cables are fairly new, so that shouldn't be the problem. Probably an ISP issue.)

Iron Man

2008-05-03T05:15:42Z

A lot of fun. Very funny, too.

I thought the climactic fight scene was clichéd as hell, but that was about my only issue.

STAY AND WATCH THROUGH THE CREDITS. If you're a Marvel fanboy (or fangirl) you want to see the scene that follows them, believe me.

Shut Down the USSC

2008-05-01T22:12:31Z

Jim Henley watches Antonin Scalia defend the constitutionality of torture (it isn't punishment, you see, so it isn't prohibited by the Cruel and Unusual clause), and I blow my stack commenting on the follow up post. My point is serious: Guys like Scalia have no value. "Judicial Restraint" of this kind just leads to a Supreme Court with no reason to exist.

In the meantime, we read how Obama is fighting the perception that he's an "elitist." Maybe it's time to end the Presidency, too. This is just too painful to watch.

Fourth Edition D&D: Entangle!

2008-04-23T21:10:59Z

One PC in my D&D campaign is a druid, and while I'd like to convert to 4E when it comes out, I would hate for him to have to abandon his character. My solution will be to have a custom-designed druid class, which we can use until WotC comes out with the "real" druid specs later this year. Here's my take on the 1st-level druid spell "Entangle":

Entangle	Druid Attack 1

My Prediction

2008-04-22T15:56:54Z

Hills will win Pennsylvania by a big margin (a shade over 10 points) and WE'LL BE STUCK WITH ANOTHER SIX WEEKS OF PRIMARY HELL, PLEASE PUT A SHOTGUN BLAST IN MY FACE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope our dear junior senator has a good reason for extending all this -- if she saw Obama making out with a Cylon that might qualify -- or the next time I see her, I'm gonna smack her in the face with a large sock full of horse manure.

Update: Meanwhile, Hills says she'll "obliterate" Iran if they launch a nuclear attack on Israel. Considering that (a) Iran doesn't have nukes, and (b) Israel has hundreds, this is pretty silly -- kind of like saying you'll "obliterate" Belgium if they nuke Paris -- but I guess that's the sort of thing you talk about in those 3 AM phone calls.

Not Outragous, Just Doesn't Work

2008-04-21T19:27:50Z

As I've said many times I support Obama for President. (Some people like my term "Obamanaut" so I'll repeat it here.) Still, I don't see what's so bad about this video. Yes, I know, McCain will use the same line of attack against Obama in the general, but so what? Honestly, it'd be a legitimate line of attack... from McCain. The problem as Matt Yglesias points out is "if this is an election about how in uncertain times we need to flee into the arms of a strong, comforting, figure of experience and authority then that figure is John McCain." It just doesn't work for Hillary Clinton, whose government experience consists of running the health care task force (badly), going on photo-ops, being an attack-dog for her husband and serving one term as an undistinguished NY senator. Plus, Obama could always respond with this:

The Shark Infested Custard

2008-04-18T10:31:21Z

One of my favorite authors is Charles Willeford (1919-1988). When I first read him it was soon after Pulp Fiction and the similarities were striking, with the same combination of humor, shocking violence and long, digressive dialogue. Willeford was best known for the Hoke Moseley novels, starting with Miami Blues (1984), but the most Tarantino-esque of his novels was the Shark-Infested Custard, oddly enough, since it was published posthumously in the 90s and there's no way Tarantino could have read it.

Anyway, The Shark-Infested Custard (the title's a metaphor for Miami) was about four swingers in the 1970s. I thought about it after my last entry, since at point, one of the guys sings up for a computerized dating service, and he has to fill out a questionnaire. Told by his friends, naturally, to lie his ass off, he gets to religion:

"What's your religion, Larry?"
"None, really, but I used to go to the Unitarian Church once in awhile in Gainesville."
"You can't put that down. That's the last thing you want, a date with a Unitarian. They're weird, man."
"I know. They were weird in Gainesville, but they weren't inhibited, either."
"Put down Church of England."
"Episcopalian?"
"No, Church of England. That way they can match you with Episcopalians and lapsed Roman Catholics. If you happen, by chance, to get a real Church of Englander, they aren't concerned with morality, anyway. Episcopalians are all time-servers, and lapsed Catholics have a sense of guilt they're always trying to deny. A girl who thinks sex is dirty, and feels guilty about it, can be a damned good piece of ass."

Larry eventually gets a date ... with a Jewish girl, who asked him to drop his draws in an elevator so she could see an uncircumcised penis. He was creeped out, but he kept dating the girl because he liked playing snooker with her dad. It was that kind of book.

Fourth Edition D&D Tea Reading, Plus Geek v Nerd

2008-04-16T19:33:42Z

D&D lovers will definitely want to check out the latest Wizards offering, which has a complete schedule for power acquisition! It looks like the number of "At Will" powers remains constant at all levels, while Encounter, Daily and "Utility" powers increase with experience: You get one in each category every 4th or 6th level, plus "paragon" powers at 11th, 12th and 20th and an "epic destiny" power at 26th. The lack of a clear progression is kind of annoying, but it means you get some goodies with almost every level, which is nice.

Meanwhile, I checked out the etymologies of geek and nerd over at dictionary.com, and at Mirriam-Webster as well. They seem to have evolved into more or less the same term, but their origins are far different: "geek" seems to come from the German word for "fool" by way of carnival slang, while "nerd" was apparently invented out of whole cloth by Dr. Seuss. Hats off to Mr. Geisel!

Hippies, Geeks and Rednecks

2008-04-15T19:56:08Z

I've thought a bit about our image of The Geek since I saw Weird Al Yankovic's "White and Nerdy". Yankovic plays the depiction of the stereotypical geek: The skinny guy with horn-rimmed glasses, wearing a shirt and tie and a pocket protector. It's an old stereotype, which you can see in the posters for Revenge of the Nerds (1984) and dozens of other places.

The weird thing, though, is I've spent plenty of time over the years with hard-core geeks -- D&D players, fanfic writers, Monty Python fanatics, Trekkies, you name them -- and very few of them ever resembled the stereotype. If I had to describe the Typical Male Geek (and when I was a kid the typical geek was male), he might wear glasses but he'd look almost nothing like the Revenge of the Nerd type. He'd be chubby rather than skinny; he'd have long hair and a beard; he'd wear T-shirts and sneakers, and wouldn't get caught wearing a tie if his life depended on it. (If any of you resemble this stereotype -- and I know some of you do! -- please accept my apologies in advance.)

If you want to see people who look like Revenge of the Nerd Geeks, they're easy to find: Go to photographs from the 1950s and (to a lesser extent) the 1960s, and you'll see them all over the place. (See this photo of the Dave Brubeck Quartet, for example.) They were the squares in the 1960s. Who were their enemies? The hippies! And it's the hippies, not the squares, that the geeks most closely resemble.

Now honest-to-God hippies are pretty rare these days, but I've come to think that Hippie-dom didn't disappear so much as splinter and morph into a number of subcultures that are still around. I suspect -- but obviously can't prove -- that Hippie-dom gradually took over large segments of the white working class, especially in rural areas. When you think of the stereotypical crystal meth addict you probably picture a long-haired, bearded guy in a T-shirt -- someone, in other words, who'd look right at home in Gen Con in 1982. (I'm reminded, years ago, of an article which listed the reading habits of Death Row inmates. As I recall, H.P. Lovecraft was by far their favorite author.)

I'm not sure what conclusion I'd like to draw from all of this, but I'd be curious to see what connections we might find among these different strands of American culture.

Damn, the Guy is Good (and Bad, Sometimes)

2008-04-13T14:32:26Z

Honestly, I'm not an Obamanaut, and when I heard about Bitter-gate I groaned to myself. I agree with Isaac Chotiner that Obama's original statement was badly phrased, and one can interpret it in a way that sounds silly (people become evangelical Christians and gun nuts because the economy is lousy). Then I hear his response, though, and I'm more rather than less impressed with the man:

I guess it's hard to explain anyone's behavior without patronizing them one way or another, particularly if you like what they're doing (and obviously, politicians don't like it when for the other side!). Still, I think Obama's on to something here; we'll see how much damage he takes when the Pennsylvania primary comes around.

Gettin' Funky with Big Bird

2008-04-09T19:52:36Z

Via Crooked Timber, Stevie Wonder plays "Superstition" ... on Sesame Street.

I Smell an Oscar!

2008-03-31T21:44:10Z

The Human Tornado, baby! Here's some honest-to-Ghad grindhouse action:

"Dolemite is mah name, and fuckin' up mutha fuckers is mah game!"

True, uh ... classics. (No I haven't seen them. They may be works of genius for all I know, but I doubt it.)

My Solution to the Primary Mess

2008-03-31T18:59:09Z

Now that the Democratic nomination process is fucked up to hell, I thought it may be a good time to post the Matt Plan for Holding Primaries and Caucuses. The original goal behind the Plan was to keep some elements of "retail politics" in the nomination process, so that ordinary voters get a chance to meet and question candidates, while eventually easing Iowa and New Hampshire out of their privileged positions. One other feature is that it wraps the whole process up in a month, so we wouldn't be waiting six goddam months to discover who the nominee is.

Anyway, here's the plan: Every 12 years, select 1 state at random from each of the 9 census regions. Of those 9, the state with the lowest population gets to hold the first primary/caucus. The second lowest-population state holds the next contest, one week later. After another week, the three next-smallest states hold their primaries or caucuses simultaneously. The following week the remaining 4 states hold simultaneous elections. Then, after an appropriate interval, the remaining states (and non-states that send delegates) hold elections in a nationwide primary.

For political reasons, we can forgo random selection of the first nine early-election states, so states like Iowa and New Hampshire don't automatically oppose the plan. After 12 years, however, their privileged positions would go to other states within their census regions. (I picked 12 years to ensure that at least one census would fall between each cycle, and to give states the time to schedule votes according to the plan.)

Does this plan have any chance of being implemented? I doubt it. No harm in making it public, though.